Monday, October 5, 2015

Frank Dieselwang & the CDC vs. the Toxic Dude Outbreak, Part the Second

"You're starting to turn into your moth..." began a young man wearing a Limp Bizkit shirt, before Frank shoulder checked into a dumpster.

Frank began to show slight signs of exertion, which for him meant that sweat was dripping at a slightly increased rate from his hot, sculpted torso, glistening and highlighting the creases in his abdominals. He flexed his chest, causing his pectorals to bounce up and down at an andante tempo, much like Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 21.

Shelly blasted the latest down with a grunt, muttering, "I'm not turning into my mother... dick."

Frank was nearly caught unawares when a stick thin 6' tall basketball fan with a Duke Jersey leaped from the rooftops, displaying a rather respectable degree of hops, roaring with menace, with two pipes in his hands as he bore down onto the pair bellowing "Boys will be b...!" which was cut off with a satisfying crunch as Frank recovered from his shock (in this case his normal .01 second response time was delayed to .07 seconds) to deliver an uppercut, breaking the Duke fan's jaw into 5 pieces, incapacitating him into a heap of problematic jelly.

"Do they ever stop?" Frank shouted, incredulous at the amount of punching he had to do in the first fifteen minutes of this foray, after checking his watch where he made the mental note that 5:13 PM was when "ass kicking time" started, and noting the fact that it was 5:28 PM right now.

Shelly looked at Frank with a stolid expression, "You'd be surprised at how often these outbreaks of toxic masculinity happen. They happen all the time. It's usually a micro event, but sometimes things push them further." She frowned, "If you're tired, you can stop. It's your right."

Frank grunted thoughtfully when suddenly an encroaching stoner type sulked up behind Shelly while groaning  "We're suffering from a plague of overly sensitive p..." which Frank ended by charging past Shelly's shoulder and backhanding the stoner type into a pile of baskets containing stainless steel hedgehog replicas.

"I acknowledge that right and privilege, but I will not stop helping you until this contained."

Shelly nodded at him stoically. "So be it."

To be continued

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