Monday, November 16, 2015

Frank Dieselwang and the Person who pet cats in the wrong direction.

Frank Dieselwang came across someone who was unintentionally petting the cat in the wrong direction, and the cat was clearly distraught.

Frank looked at this person and said "Hey the cat doesn't like that you should do it this way," and demonstrated the proper technique.

The person looked as though a light bulb had exploded in their head, but in a good way, and nodded agreeably, "Oh, I see!"

And all was well.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Frank Dieselwang Vs. Christmas Coming Prematurely

It was early November, and Frank Dieselwang was looking over stuffing and cranberry related recipes in an adorable hand me down apron when the Dieselphone started to blink, a landline that indicated he was an important business sort of person in this day and age because who really has landlines these days except people who are important business sorts of people.

“Frank Dieselwang, and Thanksgiving Prep Central, what can I do for you?” Frank Dieselwang said, affecting a somewhat fatherly tone in the spirit of the holidays, subconsciously mimicking in a fond way the fatherly figures in his life from when he was a lad, even though mostly they were still alive so it wasn’t really so much wistful as it was a homage to them as good people.

“Frank, it’s even worse this year,” said the voice of Yodlinda P. Sweetpeas with the urgency of someone who had something really urgent to say. 

Originally taken by Geek2Nurse

“What is it?” he asked, because he wanted to know what it was that was worse this year.

“It’s Christmas, and it’s coming even earlier this year.” Yodlinda’s grimace was evident even through this auditory method of communication.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Frank Dieselwang and the Man with Angry Hands

"My hands are super angry and I am going to punch you," shouted the man with Angry hands, let's call him Bill.

"Hey Bill, you better calm down," Frank warned him off.

Bill stared back suspiciously, his hands muttering angrily, "How did you know my name was Bill?"

"You know that's a good question but let's not dwell on that too much."

Bill threw the tray of fast food on the ground, which the author neglected to mention, "Enough talk, let's do this."

Frank, bastion of peace and caring, held up his hands in the universal gesture of "hey, let's not fight."

"Hey, let's not fight," Frank said.

Bill charged at him, roaring in a roaring fashion.

Frank sighed and punched Bill so hard Bill was blasted into the durable plastic bench and was knocked out cold and then he stopped talking.

Frank apologized for causing a scene and ordered a hamburger, because it was cheat day.