Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Frank Dieselwang and the Sumo Earl (or maybe Duke)

With a thunderous roar, the Earl of Sumo shouted at Frank Dieselwang "I AM THE EARL OF SUMO," in a loud way, which was perhaps a bit of a redundant sentence the author realized after failing to proof it the first time. The volume was of the power to shatter mugs, shattering all mugs within a 100 yard vicinity, yet all of the glasses within that vicinity remained untouched, because it was a mug shattering shout, not a glass shattering shout. There was also a glass mug, which was kind of strange but not unheard of, and it crack a bit to be unusable but it didn't exactly shatter.
Sumo Taxi, taken by Richard Pluck

"I hear you're the Earl of Sumo, and I'm here to stop you from dishonoring the honorable ways of Sumo, Earl of Sumo," Frank retorted, the sun catching his shirtless torso in a way, displaying the rippling waves of sexy manflesh that contorted with barely yet well contained power.

"Hah! The ways of sumo are old and weak! I will turn it into something new!" shouted the Earl of Sumo, and to describe him physically, we was kind of so so in attractiveness, but was  really impressively sumo built, with a stomach that looked as though it could withstand a thousand Tonka trucks being thrown into it by pitchers in a highly seeded college baseball team. The ones made in the eighties, so solid ones, not the cheaper ones they have now. "BOXING SUMO!" The Earl of Sumo charged towards Frank with two fists held outwards.

"Wouldn't this make you the DUKES of Sumo, given that you're putting up your DUKES?" Frank quipped, as he roared in a way that inspired writers suffering from writers block and caused birds to start singing, but Frank is the embodiment of all things good, even cliche good things.

They collided together in a kaleidoscope of arms and fists, and the Tonka Truck appearing resistant looking belly held firm against Frank's attacks at first, and Frank was pressed back, but skillfully dodged the boxing Earl or Duke of Sumo's fists, because he was an expert boxer and the Earl or Duke hadn't really thought this boxing thing out very far.

Skillfully evading a haymaker that seems to get dodged by most canny and competent action heroes in a canny and competent action hero fashion, Frank returned a lightning blow to the gut of the Earl or Duke of Sumo which shattered rang like a bell, so pummeled it was by Frank's repeated strikes that it turned into something that could sound like a bell, and the villain was blasted back into a pile of conveniently placed hay bales.

With the villain incapacitated, as the author was too tired to write Earl or Duke of Sumo again, Frank breathed deeply, basking in a job well done, as applause erupted around him like volcanos, and several attracted women raced/bounced up to him in gratitude, feeling up his abdominals (with his consent.)

Just another day and job well done in the life of Frank Dieselwang.

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