Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Frank Dieselwang in So Sous Me! Part 2

Picture originally taken by Steven Depolo

Frank nodded masculinely, manfully agreeing with a grunt with the woman because he was secure in his sexuality while taking orders from a woman who was an expert on sausages on how to handle her sausages. And anyone who chose to say otherwise would be handled in a mature fashion, and he would not escalate it to violence unless it was in self defense, because that’s the right thing to do.

“Just to be sure though, I won’t let this go to waste.” Taeryn said, pulling her hair back with a delicate pull of her feminine hand, toughened and rough from her tough woman barbecue master chores, hauling around her kit, chopping her own hickory fuel, and enduring the dusky heat of the pit. This hair being pulled back like a dramatic curtain, framed the living art that was her face, a smooth angular jaw, piercing blood sienna eyes and a slightly upturned nose on her face. The kind of face that made men reach into the deep recesses of their mind for a pick up line that was not written jokingly for an early 2000s website compilation of bad pick up lines.

For Frank, her pretty face was just a bonus, as he was stirred by her spirit and barbecue sauce which was #1 absolute prizewinner material, and the fact that he was commissioned by the spirit of the townfolk of Polesbumpkitkisstown to help her out, as she had never won the barbecue sauce competition before in her 5 years of competition due to the nefarious politicking and backdoor politics of the county formerly known ad Polesbumpkitkisscounty, now known Pharmdarkistcorp, LLC.

It all started to go wrong those many many years (four) ago, which is a suitable way to start a flashback, back in the distant 2011, when the local ordinance of echoing Citizens United, BarbeCuerporations United went into effect, and dictated that corporations were Grilling Sauce Judges too, along with most other grilling, barbecuing, and for some reason industrial fencing.

Just her luck that it was in 2011 that her pappy finally passed on the grill sauce competition duties to her, when all of these cards fell on the table. Lead cards, also comprised of a proprietary amalgamation of tears, sadness, and corruption.

Since then, it was a tank rolled rogues parade of travesties of justice, the most memorable one being what was known as the Exxon Mobil Oil Spill Disaster of BBQ Grill Sauce Judging history, when local oil tycoon’s nephew Chester P. Douglasrailroad won in 2013 because the taste and quality of his sauce most closely mimicked the secret annual theme of “oil,” in both taste and quality.

That and the fact that he just brought along one blue barrel of Texas Crude his uncle had given him, for the purpose of sharing not only it’s ability to drive the petrochemical industrial complex, but also its alternative uses, including hair styling, hiding the bodies of corporate spies, and yes, barbecue sauce.

Frank was but a simple man, an American man, who also happened to be extraordinarily gifted in physical health, keen intellect, and a clear deep brutal self introspection of his position in world as well as having a pretty good grasp of his own privilege and what to do with it, but always knew there was room for improvement. And he would put all of himself against that machine of cronyism, including his perfect abs, steel pipe like arms and legs, and extremely dense skeletal structure as leverage to help Taeryn Yewanewon get to her rightful place as #1 prizewinner.


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